July 19, 2011

I'm Lost...

I went to college and studied Elementary Education.  I graduated and landed my first full-time job as a first grade teacher.  For eight years, I taught first grade, kindergarten and Reading Recovery.  I loved it!

But, when I was expecting my first child, Ally, I realized that I really wanted to change this full-time position of mine to Mommy.  And so I did. 

Five and a half years later, my job description changed again.  Only this time it was not by choice.  Ally was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and my new job description included "Full Time Pancreas Manager".  This is a job that has become a part of who I am and it is definitely a full time position.

Even when Ally is at school I am perfecting my role.  I am taking inventory of insulin, pump and cgm supplies, and don't forget Juicy Juice boxes.  I am placing orders and calling in perscription refills.  I am planning the next meal and looking up carb counts.  I am scouring over Ally's logbook to make adjustments in her insulin doses where needed.

This is not to say that I never do anything besides think about diabetes.  Yes, I do all of the normal life things too.  But my pancreatic duties are intertwined within all that normal day to day stuff.

And today, with Ally at diabetes camp, I am lost.

Two down.  Four to go.



  1. Think of it as a vacation. Even as a teacher you had spring break. I know the stack of papers might still need to be graded, but take this time to relax. Get a sitter and go out to dinner. Have fun! You derserve it :)

    (((HUGS))) to you.

  2. Enjoy the mini break... I wouldn't know what to do with myself either. When Elise started pre-school last year, I had NO idea what to do with those three hours twice a week she wasn't home!

  3. I can't imagine what you're feeling. But I say make the most of the time. Take a nap, read a book, treat yourself to a massage. YOU so deserve it!

  4. Ahh yeah, I bet that is a little nerve-wracking and strange to be "off duty" instead of constantly on. But I agree with the other comments to try and enjoy your break and do something nice for yourself...or just have some good "me" time!

  5. I agree with the masses . . . this absence of Ally is called a pancreatic vacation! Of course, that is only in a physical sense. I understand you will not be able to mentally break from your duties, but rest assured the many other pseudo/temporary pancreases know what they are doing and Ally will be taken care of.

    That said, I empathize with your sadness and feelings of being lost :(

  6. Yep, totally get it! When I walked up to bed the first night Bean was at camp and I didn't need to bring up her PDM I felt completely lost!
    Do your best to enjoy the break...it will be back to 'normal' before you know it!! Oh, and it will take a couple of days for that to feel right again...at least it did for me!

  7. Enjoy your little break! I wish my diabetes could "go to camp" lol

  8. I know how you feel everytime I eat I want to carb count and keeping checking on the supplies to see if we have enough...we only have 4 more days then we can get our girls back.

  9. I have been thinking about you...I cannot even begin to imagine Days-and-Nights without Joe around the house. He says that he'll do hockey camp again next year...and...he doesn't think he is ready to spend the nights away from home at "D" camp...LOL. Who knows. (((HUGS)))


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