When it comes to Ally's diabetes, there are things that go through my mind that I would never verbalize. I keep them inside because...it would scare Ally...or anyone else that was listening. Heck, these are the kinds of thoughts that scare me! I'm sure that you know these thoughts that scare me.
Lately, I've been having different kinds of thoughts that I wouldn't say out loud. But this time, they are different. Sure, the bottom line of these thoughts is that I am worried about something happening to Ally. Only the most recent ones are more related to me not being there to take care of her.
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Keith and I both being that far away at the same time? My mom is very capable of taking care of Ally and her diabetes. But what if ??
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I have been having an odd tenderness on an area of one of my tatas. I'm not letting myself get worked up about it. I believe it is from my 2 year old. Not sure how it happens, but I feel like I get knocked there by her a lot. I'm planning to get it checked out. But in the meantime, one of those thoughts did creep into my head. What if...??
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What I can't say out loud is...What if something happened to me? What would happen to Ally? Who would take care of her??? 
Misty, I know how you feel! In the first month or so after dxd Jess DID say these things out loud. She was 15 yrs old so it was a little different. I remember her saying -'Mom, you can't die!' And I felt like that too! Most days I don't think those things anymore- just every now and then!-... but if Jess was younger I'm sure they'd creep in more often!
ReplyDeletePraying all your test results come back normal and you are able to take a wonderful, relaxing trip!!
Oh girl you are not the only one! I hate it when those thoughts run through my head. And it happens more than I care to admit...
ReplyDeleteCompletely with you! Somethings we just can't bring ourselves to utter, but they have to be thought about from time to time whether we like it or not.
ReplyDeleteENJOY your trip!!
Completely with you! Somethings we just can't bring ourselves to utter, but they have to be thought about from time to time whether we like it or not.
ReplyDeleteENJOY your trip!!
So glad to know I'm not the only one...
ReplyDeleteAbout 6 weeks after Brooke's diagnosis Honey won a trip with his work to Hawaii...we turned it down. We just couldn't think about being that far away.
And then about 8 weeks after diagnosis I self-diagnosed myself with ALS because my legs were twitching at night:) I slept zero minutes that night, I confessed to Honey the next morning, and he told me to CHILL OUT and GET A GRIP. And then he ordered me to get a massage and took kid duty while I took a nap.
Praying all your stuff is just the result of the mind games we D mamas play and nothing more serious.
OH! The post I could write on this topic. I am pretty sure I would not be alone in my thoughts... just as you are not, but I am not sure if I want to admit some of the thoughts that run through my mind. They creep into my nightmares and overtake my ride home. Gut wrenching and filled with pain.
ReplyDeleteI often woryy about my kids if something were to happen to me; especially Justin. He has SO many challenges. Who would take them all on. Who is strong enough when I times I, his own mother, feels to weak to do it?
The thought alone is enough to make me sick to my stomach.
Oh man...we should have a Blog-A-Palooza one day where everyone posts about what they won't say out loud.
ReplyDeleteIt would be EPIC!
Oh wow - definitely had lots of "what if" moments over the last week - after finding out that my closest friend DOES have breast cancer - she has 2 kids, a boy and a girl, just like me - exactly the same ages - our girls were born 6 days apart and we went through our pregnancies together. The thought of her not making it through this, and how her kids will manage - I don't think I need to put into words how that makes me feel... When something like that hits so close to home it's inevitable to think about what would happen if you were the one in that situation? In my case, I'm a single mum - and BOTH my kids have T1D... terrifies the xxxx out of me.
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This is so me. I worry - ALL THE TIME. I thought I might have brain tumor about a week after we got home from the hospital post diabetes dx because I was having horrible headaches. Ummmmm.... Stress?? I get it. Get it checked out - that's good to do. But try hard not to worry and know that God is in control. And just text me your worries! I understand!!
ReplyDeleteSo been there Misty. Whenever Dave and I are in a car alone, without children, I worry about accidents and who would care for Joe. My sister and I have already gone over a plan and she knows to call Endo to get more training ASAP.
ReplyDeleteAnd...I am thinking of "YOUR GIRL". xo
I have so had these feelings to everday when I drop her off at school and say "bye love you have a good day see you after." I think oh my what if I get in accident today and cant take care of her. But just last week I had a horrible dream...can not believe I am going to type it out but it might me feel better. I dreamed that she passed away and we having the funeral I mean it was soooo real I could see everything and people were having to drag me away from the casket. Of course I woke up screaming and crying and ran straight to her room. Blake was like "what is wrong with you." Not sure why I dreamed of this the only thing I think of is my step-brothers son who passed at 5mths anniversary is coming up and I have been thinking about him non-stop. So your not alone. I think it is natural for all of us to worry about this.
ReplyDeleteSO there with you in these kinds of thoughts hun....I have them all the time...whenever she is not with me for a lengthy period of time in fact...ugh. I hope that all is well with you and that things check out ok!! xoxo
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