Today I rejoice because it is time to pick up my camper!!! Two weeks ago, I wasn't rejoicing, I was crying. Shortly after Ally began her bionic journey, I had to say goodbye to my sweet girl. I tried so hard to leave camp before she saw me cry. I was not exactly succesful.
I tried to tell myself not to cry. I was about to have a "momcation" with my friend Wendy for the next two weeks. Two weeks of not thinking about basal rates and changes that need to be made. Two weeks of not counting carbs. Two weeks of sleeping through the night, without worrying that her blood sugar would drop too low. Two weeks without wondering how her food and her exercise will affect the next insulin dosing decision. I was looking forward to this mom break. But I still cried.
I was feeling an overload of emotion that day. I would not see my girl for two weeks. She had never been away from me for that long before. Like never! But that is not what made me cry.
I was overwhelmed with emotion because she had just started wearing the bionic pancreas. I was going to be putting my trust in others, in a machine, to keep her alive. That has been my job every day since her diagnosis. The thought of letting that go completely for two weeks...overwhelming! But that is still not what made me cry.
I cried because for the first time in five and a half years, Ally got to experience a little less weight on her shoulders. She would get to experience the "unburdening" of her diabetes management. The bionic pancreas would be making the decisions about dosing her insulin and glucagon. Every 5 minutes. That's about 12 times an hour. 288 decisions a day. And she didn't even have to think about it!
And that is what made me cry.
So today, I will go pick up my girl. I will rejoice! (And maybe I will cry a little too!)
This post is part of a series documenting Ally's experience as a participant in The 2014 Bionic Pancreas Camp Study.
UNTIL THERE IS A CURE
MY HEART SWELLS
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
BIONIC: SUPERHUMAN? NAH, JUST SUPERHERO!
AFTER THE BIONIC PANCREAS
I WISH IT WERE THREE YEARS FROM NOW